Here is my story.

From age 19 to age 40, I served as CEO of Sterling-Hoffman where I did all the things that a business owner does. I worked 70 to 80 hours a week, every week. I hired people, fired people, sued people. I built org-charts and grew the company to almost 500 people en route to realizing that more people does not equal more profit. I argued with my leadership team, pitched clients, and wrote contracts. I begged and pleaded with software engineers, yelled at my marketing team, spoke at conferences, outsourced to India and made payroll (most of the time). Occasionally, I looked at financial statements. I almost went bankrupt once (or twice…) I hung out with Silicon Valley venture capitalists and entrepreneurs – usually at Buck’s diner in Woodside. Mostly, I listened. The headhunting business is about listening, first and foremost. And when I listened, brilliant people who were running billion-dollar businesses…opened up. They shared their leadership philosophies and life stories.

Slowly yet steadily, my business grew. I survived major crises like the dotcom meltdown and the great financial crisis. And then, sometime in the middle of 2017, I did something I had not done in years. I looked at my personal bank account. And what I saw stunned me a bit: I had enough money to retire. I had, in effect, what every entrepreneur dreams of: 'Fuck You' money. Enough to do anything, or nothing, for the rest of my life. And so, by January 2018, I had retired to the country of my dreams: Italy.

But what would I do next?

At first, I thought it would be fun to become a real, professional “angel investor” (my first name really is ‘Angel’, after all) But then I read Tucker Max’s excellent article on Angel investing and decided to quit while I was ahead. (Thank you, Tucker) I also got involved with some charities that I believed in. “Room to Read” even invited me to join their advisory board. For a time, I got obsessed with the issue of domestic violence in Italy – which got me into a lot of trouble (1).

By 2019, I started to realize that something was ‘wrong’. A few months after I got to Italy, I began assisting a victim of domestic violence in a social justice case that could very well have led to me ending up at the bottom of a river. I became obsessed, pumping my body full of caffeine every day (cappuccinos, primarily), and drinking a bit too much wine at night. I had more aches and pains than a guy my age should. I wasn’t sleeping. I lifted weights several times per week, but found myself getting weaker. I lost weight… all the way down to 148 pounds at one point (note: I am 6 feet tall) And that was just my physical health. I was angry. I couldn’t even hug my parents without getting Irritated. I met women everywhere, but was terrified of intimacy. I found myself trying to rescue them, rather than have a relationship. And even though I had amazing friends and family, I felt lonely.

Then, sometime around March of 2019, a dear friend (who is famous and thus shall remain nameless) recommended I experiment with an “alternative” method of healing (IYKYK). And on that day, everything changed.

Imagine having your soul struck by benevolent lightning.

All of a sudden…

I understood that it was possible to “fix” what was broken inside.

I understood that I could tinker with and improve my own psychological operating system. It was possible to upgrade myself, just like Apple upgrades iPhones.

I could dissolve anger, let go of resentment, and learn to love myself. And I could do it faster than I ever thought possible.

20 years of therapy? Fuck that. I got hard-core about personal healing. I worked as hard at healing my inner-self as I once did at getting rich.

Approximately 18 months later, I had quit caffeine, quit alcohol, hugged my mom and dad without feeling angry, and learned how to have a healthy, loving relationship. And after 43 years of vowing to never have children, having a bunch of them suddenly seemed like a good idea. The idea of ‘having a family’ now excited me. But that’s just the beginning.

One day, while sitting in meditation, I started to develop a weird skill. I found that if I could ‘stop’ my mind from chattering for 20-45 seconds at a time, my BODY would start talking instead.(2) And my body had some strong opinions.

My body started telling me what foods to eat, what vitamins to take, what kind of exercise it wanted.

My body would tell me what stocks to buy, who to do business with, and who to avoid.

My body would just take over my face and tell me exactly what it was thinking. Sometimes, my body would even do odd martial-arts style movements.

And then, quite by accident, I discovered that my body would also offer psychological insights to others! Friends and family would ask questions like:

• “Why do I have so much anxiety?”

• “Why do I have trouble trusting people?”

• “Why do I end up in relationships where I’m always taking care of the other person?”

• “Why can’t I get my finances in order?”

And when my mind was quiet, my body always had an opinion. And 95% of the time (though not always), my body was right.

So what am I doing now?

Most days, not much. I still live in the Italian countryside and hang out with my family. I have goats* and rabbits. I am looking into the possibility of getting Alpacas (I love animals). I spend my free time trying to quiet the mind to discover what other magic tricks my body can pull off.